Smothered In Hugs.

Bike Snob NYC is a critic of “bicycle culture” and everything else that revolves around our world. He put out a great book, which should be read by anyone who rides, and in it he describes a clever way to dismantle (or at least reconfigure) irate driver’s hate for us (cyclists). It goes something like this:

Irate Driver: Get the hell out of my lane asshole! (Or something to this effect)
Cyclist: Are you a doctor?
ID: HUH? (Look of confusion)
C: Well it looks like you’re in a rush. Are you a doctor and are you on way to the hospital?
ID: More looks of confusion. (Hopefully) A realization that his/her anger towards me is meaningless in comparison to REAL emergencies.

I finally used it riding in Prospect Park. Prospect Park consists of four lanes whose widths correspond to the mode of transport. From the left to the right, a runner/walking lane, a biking lane, and two car lanes.

For most of the day these car lanes are not in use except for an hour in the morning and in the evening. We were riding in the left car lane. A driver was behind us in and wanted us to move over so he could drive through. He couldn’t because at the moment a car was on his right, and we were in front of him.

I couldn’t make the move as there are runners/families/parents in the left bike lane. We were also on the fast downhill section so this was really tricky and could’ve been dangerous for us to veer to the left. I told him that he could go around us using the other car lane (once the car on his right passed through). I got cussed out. GREAT!

At this moment I used Bike Snob’s “Doctor” spiel, and I could see his brain cave in. His mouth resembled a glitchy, broken Disney land animatronic robot. No words were able to leave his mouth. It was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. He managed to mumble some words out, then flip me the bird, twice (Once at that moment, twice at the red light below). It was incredible seeing his brain fail this test, at all levels. And if the world is good, I hope he did get some time to reflect on how ridiculous this request was, and how some patience could’ve prevented all of this. The world isn’t this good.